


Until nothing else exists in the world

by Anonymous



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: 30 seconds after 3x08, F/F, First Real Kiss, Killing Eve Week 2021, Killing Eve Week Day #2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 00:40:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30097623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: They can't walk away...
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62
Collections: Anonymous, Killing Eve Week 2021





	Until nothing else exists in the world

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TLwritefanfic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TLwritefanfic/gifts).



> _They can't walk away..._

  
You don't know what you want, well, not entirely, but you definitely know what you don't want. And right now, when you look at her from the other side of the bridge, when you don't allow yourself to turn and simply walk away, you know what you need to do. 

You know you have to show her that you are not willing to give her up. Because, she just gave you a choice, to walk away and never look back. But everything in you, your instinct, is telling you otherwise. The same instinct that told you to chase her around Europe, the same instinct that told you to violently mark her body, the same instinct that made you attack her on the bus and kiss her after. The same exact instinct that made you pull her into your arms on the dance floor. 

So, without overthinking it, as usual, you put one foot in front of the other, slowly but steady, until you are just a few steps from her, and she is waiting for you. She, who is always so confident, seems so small right now, but still bears a smile across her beautiful face, and her eyes are filled with tears that threaten to spill over. She, who knows as well as you, that yours have already fallen, because when she told you to walk and never look back, you couldn't help the gasp that left your lips and the feeling of loss and sadness translated into icy tears helped by the London breeze in your face. 

When you finally get close enough to her, “You asshole... No. We will not do this again. Not ever.” 

She shortens the remaining space between you two and her smile falls as she puts her hands in her pockets, not able to look at you, unsure of herself, sighing, "I thought that was what you wanted, what you needed… to walk away from me." 

You are now so close to each other that you can see all the perfect imperfections of her face, all her little moles and freckles, the eyes full of tears and darkened all around, the weight on her shoulders, of something you haven't quite understood yet, and you remember asking her what happened, right before you pull her to dance floor, but, she couldn't answer you, and you hope that somewhere down the road she can confide it in you. And you do not ask again, you will wait for her to come to you. 

"I don't even know for sure what I want, but I do know that I'm not ready to let you go, to let us go." You speak just above a whisper, and she doesn't take her eyes off the floor. You have never seen her so fragile. Have you ever really seen her? You have spent so much time chasing her, looking at her life through files and unflattering photos, but you have never really seen her, not at all. 

She, who manages to commit such cruel and fracturing violent acts, has this broken look in her eyes like you've never seen before. She, who put a bullet in your back, when you rejected her, and that almost killed you. She, who came back for you everytime, was willing to let you go, and the thought of that makes your whole body tense. Your mind is racing, million thoughts cross your mind, and you remember yourself that you always came for her too, and in fact, it was you who committed the first act of violence between you, by a penetrating knife to her stomach. But even then, with blood freely coming out of her, you never saw her so fragile as now, as she is in front of you, ready to walk away. 

Does she think the same as you when she looks into your eyes? Does she see your fragility, your conflict and panic? But also something else, something you are too afraid to speak out loud. 

You know you are a wreck, your life is a mess, you don't know what you are actually doing. You don't have any plan for tomorrow or even for the next month or year, you don't have a house, you don't have any friends left, you don't have a job, and you don't know what you want to do from now on, but, you know you don't want to lose her. Not now, not like this. Sure, you both have monsters lurking in every corner of your lifes, both are the cause and effect of your own darkness. And, sure, you need to reach a middle ground and come to peace with that and admit what you both are and what both have done to each other, and the havoc that you cause around you.

Now, you can see, you can feel it, and you finally make a choice. You try to draw her attention by putting your hand on her arm and pry her hand out of her pocket. You find no resistance there and when you find her long fingers, you intertwine them with yours. You look down at your hands and feel her eyes move up, as she does the same. Does her heart beat as fast as yours?

Did the cold breeze make you shiver or was her soft and warm hand in yours? 

You don't know what you want. But, you don't want to lose her. You slowly lift your hands and place them close to your heart and feel her gaze on you. She sighs, and it’s weighted with something that you cannot understand exactly what it is. 

You look up to find her face damped with tears and you lift your hand to stroke her cheek and gently wipe her tears with your thumb. 

After all you've been through because of her actions, you seem incapable to hate her at all. Sure, you are angry and will not be able to forgive her for the constant pain in your shoulder, for the sleepless nights and for the panic attacks, but, you have so much to blame as her, in your own misfortune. 

As time goes by, so many months have passed now, you can breathe easily, you can acknowledge to yourself, that you provoked her anger. You chased her and used her knowing how she felt about you. You stretched the rope that tied you both, and it almost snapped entirely, but you finally realize and come to recognize your role in this story. You’re both pieces of a puzzle, that fit just right. 

She breathes heavily and leans into your touch, and with her free hand she finds your wild curls blowing freely on the windy night. Her touch is sweet but electrifying. You shiver again. 

You are now breathing faster. You know what will happen, before it happens. You still don't know exactly what you really want, but, you know you don't want to leave her, you know you don't want to exist without her by your side. Maybe she's your destiny, you don’t really have a word for it, but you want to find out. 

She leans in and your foreheads touch slightly, you both close your eyes, you feel her smile, and you don't hesitate, you know what you want now. You kiss her, your lips finally touch, and everything, almost everything, makes sense.

Her lips are softer than you remember. Her hand moves purposefully in your hair, and you hear a strangled groan. You put your hand to the back of her neck to pull her closer, you want more, you need more of her, and you deepen the kiss, letting your tongues feel each other, and you both moan at the same time. There’s a small bite on your lower lip, enough to make you gasp. You stay there, under the yellow lights of the London bridge, with no knowledge of the outside world around you, kissing and allowing yourselves to feel, for what seems an eternity. It’s hot and sexy, and you know you haven't felt this way in quite some time, or have you ever?

Your hands are still clasped in your chest, and you feel her heartbeat, that you immediately recognize just like yours. Your hearts race incessantly and in synch. You feel flushed by the burning heat of your body pressed to her, and you definitely know what you want at this exact moment. When you finally parted to breathe, your foreheads touch again, and she smiles. It surely mirrors yours.

There is so much you need to talk. But now, words do not mean more than the beating of your hearts, than your gasps and sync breathing, than your clasped hands, than your passionate kiss. What you need to say to each other, to argue, to shout out loud, to apologize, to make amends, is less urgent than your intertwined bodies, than your hungry mouths.

You allow her to separate your bodies slightly, and you look deeply into her eyes and everything in you knows that you are a mirror of each other. You know as much as she does, that nothing is more intoxicating and addictive than this tumultuous relationship of yours, and you are not willing to turn your back on it. You both tried and failed. 

So, you kiss her again, and again and again. Deep down inside you know that you will kiss her until nothing else exists in the world.  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> _I wrote this as a birthday present for a friend a few days ago and I wasn't suppose to publish it, but after yesterday news, it made sense... So, thank you for reading, have a great Killing Eve week._


End file.
